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8 People in the Group Chat
A girl's trip in the Georgia mountains turned into a podcast for two high school friends. Find out how they met and what keeps them connected over 25 years after high school graduation.
8 People in the Group Chat
Some People Consider That Persistence
This episode takes the #GroupChat from the departure of a certain chicken restaurant's sky-high service standards to how iconic films like "Love Jones" and "Love & Basketball" have shaped our perceptions of love and life.
As we wrapped things up, we turned the spotlight on Melandi Murrell's Happy Balanced You, Counseling and Consulting.
Be on the lookout for the bonus episode with our full discussion about 2023's "The Color Purple" movie musical.
Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to eight people in the group chat. I am your host, yola Gilliam.
Speaker 2:What's up, pete, and you know who I am. I'm your girl, lynnae Johnson, aka Lenny. If you ask Siri or some of my friends, what's up y'all, what's up, nothing much.
Speaker 1:What'd you been up to this week?
Speaker 2:You know nothing much, just it's been a good week. Actually, I don't know if you know this, but some of the people know this. I am a huge sports fan basketball and football so it has been very entertaining these last few days. You know we're down to the wire Super Bowl here in two weeks. What about your week?
Speaker 1:My week's been pretty good. I haven't had an opportunity to see some old friends that I've not seen in way too long and had some lunches and some dinners and hangouts, so it's been nice just to kind of see people in person. Speaking of people I saw in person, I saw you in person recently too.
Speaker 2:You did.
Speaker 1:It's been a good time.
Speaker 2:Yes, and why don't we see each other, tell the people, tell the folks at home?
Speaker 1:Well, as y'all saw on our Instagram, we took a little field trip to see the color purple. We did, we did, we said we would and we did, and now we're going to tell you about it. Well, we're going to tell you what we think about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's do that. So, let's do that.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to point out that I got to the theater prior to the start time.
Speaker 2:You did, and let me just tell you she's trying to be shady Like shade. That's what she's trying to do people, because I will be the first to say, I never get to the movies on time. I don't really care about the previews, I don't. I really was trying to get there on time though, but you know, time just always seems to get away from me, and you know. So tell me about the previews.
Speaker 1:I'm impatient, so I. When I get to a thing one, I'm always early for everything. So if you are always late to movies, and I'm always early, we were always going to have this issue. I pay no attention to the trailers, but I do like to be settled. Even though I usually pick a seat on the end, I don't.
Speaker 2:What is the point of getting to the movie early if you don't care about the previews and you have an assigned seat?
Speaker 1:I will explain that when I do always have a sign seat and it's usually the event like that in seat that I sat in but I also am visually impaired, so I don't like to have to move around in the dark once the lights go down. I have arthritis in my knee so I want to be able to take the time I need to get to the top of the stadium seating and I have anxiety so I like to be settled and at the place where I'm supposed to be at the time the thing starts, and then I don't have to think about all that.
Speaker 2:And get your popcorn, because you also tried to shape me on that.
Speaker 1:I did not try to shade you on that. I have been to the no, no, no. Let me explain. So I have been to the movies with people who be like I don't eat or drink at the movies and I was like, well, that's a movie experience and I hate you, I don't want to go to the movies with you. So, without anything, I was like, are you one of those people who don't eat popcorn at the movies? That was a shade, it was a genuine question.
Speaker 2:No, I actually do, but because I was running late. Take this back. I am not always late to the movies, because the last two times that I went to the movies which I was on a date with one of my really good friends Sons, Little Benjamin, little Benjamin who's?
Speaker 2:10. That was my little date. We like to do movie dates. Yes, we like to do movie dates, and so you know Benjamin cannot be late to the movie. So the last few times I was actually on time. No, I do. When I'm late I usually don't stop to get popcorn, I usually just zoom in and sit down and kind of get settled and then get up. That makes no sense, I know, because then you tend to miss some of the movie.
Speaker 1:But you did point out that you that's why you prefer the folks who deliver the concessions.
Speaker 2:Movies. Okay, Can we all just have it where we have concierge service delivered to your seat. I mean a lot of movie places do that now where you can just hit the buzzer they come and they bring your drink and they bring your food, popcorn, you know, whatever you want to eat. Who eats pizza and nachos at the movies?
Speaker 1:But they're the ones who have this. You know, some people have the full menu, have full menus, and you're oh no, I get that, no no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:I totally get that. You know the hamburger, whatever, but not always still eating nachos in 2024.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think it's the movies. It was some people, yeah, while we're shaming people's movie snacks because it's just not fresh, speaking of fresh. The movie theater food none of it is fresh.
Speaker 2:This is not, but can we just talk about this? You know I had a problem with this. This was the last thing I think we talked about once we left. Was you remember back in the day growing up, when popcorn used to be fresh? You will walk in and you just had that, that movie Feeling you walk in and the first thing you did was you walk in when you got your ticket outside. That's number one. But you walk in and you smell the butter, the popcorn poppy. You don't smell that now. You smell stillness. It smells like feet. When you first walk in To me and then you know you pay all this money for popcorn and then you get that $15, $20. And the popcorn is cold and stale. You understand why we can't get freshly warm popcorn. If I'm paying $15, which I don't because I get the kids meal, but I digress If people are spending 15 to $20 on a bowl of popcorn, it should be fresh Period, which is why people bring food from the outside. I know.
Speaker 1:I do, I do not disagree.
Speaker 2:You know I mean just, but so that's one of my things about the movies I like.
Speaker 1:I did complete a survey after our viewing. I did know that the popcorn did seem old. It had a tend to burnt to it. So, I did share that feedback. I don't know it's going to do any good. It won't. I did, I did.
Speaker 2:It won't. They're not the Chick-fil-A's of the world. Speaking of Chick-fil-A, count your days. Well, wendover Avenue and Charlotte. Not really Count your days, because she did. Well, I'll tell you. You know, we had this conversation. Yes, you know, I feel Chick-fil-A every, every fast food, not even fast food. Every restaurant to me needs to go to Chick-fil-A training. They need to take a page out of Chick-fil-A's handbook for customer service, because they are the epitome top tier of customer service hands down. So you know, in Charlotte there is a dislocation. I usually go to off a Randolph Close ward I could always say that word wrong, but anyway. But they had closed down for a while. So now it's on Wendover Avenue and so it's been there for a minute and it's horrible. This is one of the worst Chick-fil-A's I have ever been to in my entire life. I mean entire life, every time I go.
Speaker 2:The first time I went I was buying Ray Parker Jr yes, that's the dog's name Some nuggets, because he loves nuggets. I went there the first time. It was brand new, probably had been open maybe three weeks. Nuggets were burnt and I just, you know, tasted one. I said, god, these nuggets are burnt, but whatever they, I'm giving them to Ray Parker. So whatever, it doesn't matter. If it was for me, I would have gone back to complain. But whatever, not complain, but you know, get a fresh batch.
Speaker 2:Second time, same thing. Order was wrong. Third time I go inside waiting, there's no one in there. There's a couple of people waiting on their food, that had been helped. And I'm standing in front of a lady who had been standing there. So I'm like have you been by the time? I've been waiting for five minutes. I said have you been helped? And so she's like no, as we were walking past the employees, mind you, they're all young teenagers like they're zombies. So finally she goes around and she's like hi, is there anyone you know that can help us? They're all looking at each other like you know who's going to do what, who's on first, who's on third. So finally someone comes and you know we're helped and whatever. Whatever.
Speaker 2:My order was wrong again, and this last time I had done a mobile order, because there's one thing that I hate is standing in the drive-thru line when I could just do the mobile order. I don't know why more people don't do the mobile order, but anyway. So I get there. There's one person in line, so that should already tell you one thing right there.
Speaker 2:When you see nobody in line at Chick-fil-A prime time at eight o'clock, it's a problem. Get there, order my nuggets, get to the window. She tells me to move up. I'm thinking when people tell you to move up and wait, they're probably preparing fresh food. I'm waiting for 10 minutes. She finally brings the nuggets out. They're lukewarm at best. So I asked the young lady. I was like hey, can you wait so I can check my food, because every time that I come it's cold or either incorrect. I was like hey, these are cold, you know. And I said you know, it wouldn't be a problem, but I've waited for 10 minutes. I would have thought they would have been fresh. She was like oh, I thought they were fresh too. She takes them back in about one to two minutes she brings them back. I'm figuring this is probably the same, you know, yep, the same nuggets which they were.
Speaker 2:So I go home, I call the manager and I told her the problem. I said you know, I don't want my money back and I don't want any more nuggets, but this is the worst location I've ever been to. All the times that I've been here, my order has either been wrong or completely cold. I was like you all have got to do better. I said I've never been to a worse location ever in my life. So then I called corporate. You know, I'm not going to go back and forth with people, I just will do a survey and call corporate, called corporate. They were nice. They said we will, you know, make sure that we tell you know the owner. And they were like yeah, this shouldn't have happened, but I want to reveal. I want to reveal Do not go to this location.
Speaker 1:You did write a review Did you read it and what did I mean? It won. You accounted what happened. The rating was one, it was a fair rating, and you, I thought you were reasonable, but not just one for me from every. Oh no, like people, do not like that location from every and they gave the same thing.
Speaker 2:They were slow. They're all young people, they're congregating by the window talking.
Speaker 1:I think the franchise needs to revisit some things with their staff and get a new staff.
Speaker 2:I will say she did you know? Reply back that she was sorry and gave me coupons which was nice. Any Chick-fil-A or just that chick. Any Chick-fil-A has been dropped into my rewards on my app. Oh, that's great, any of them.
Speaker 1:But what I found, except for Northlake, because they still are freaking closed with their renovation. But I suppose they said they're supposed to be back open this end of this week. We'll see.
Speaker 2:Oh well, that's good. Well, I was happy to know that I think I was going to Publix or Heroseter the one that's, one that I normally go to and they have reopened, thank the Lord, so now I can go back there. But yeah, I mean, you know she was nice about it, but still, come on Chick-fil-A.
Speaker 1:I can never go to a magic, for, like now I will say my worst fast food experience.
Speaker 2:Happen at Chick-fil-A.
Speaker 1:Well, no, that's, that is us. The hair in my food at Papa has at it the hardest. Two years ago, jesus, but I had a. This is the reason I don't get ice in my drinks. Well, too, I don't want ice in my drinks because I'm paying for a drink, but the it started because I had gone to Chick-fil-A and I happened to like, after I finished my tea. I always like open up the cup and, you know, drink the remnant, the kind of thing. And there was a fly.
Speaker 2:Oh Jesus.
Speaker 1:From the ice machine and I knew it was from the ice machine. I've worked enough food service to, and so after that I stopped getting ice places which really used to throw McDonald's for some reason. I used to have the worst problems with McDonald's getting no ice in my drinks Like it would.
Speaker 2:Well, is it coming out of your check? You would think. You would think Don't understand it. Someone says they don't want ice. Can I have another package of of of catch up? It's not coming out of your check. People can I have. Now, if I'm getting a large fry, why are you giving me one catch up? Can I have four? Maybe I like ketchup, like, can I have four? Yeah, I don't. I don't know what the problem is with that.
Speaker 1:Ice situation, a fly, that's life. I mean, this has been Shoot. It's been so long ago. I think I had only one kid at the time. Wow, I lived in Charlotte when it happened. That's how I measure my life. Like, where did I live at the time? Wow, it was crazy, crazy. That is crazy. I'm going to pull us back around to the color purple, because the people want to know.
Speaker 2:Hold on. Can I just say one more thing about Chick-fil-A, which is the biggest, which is the, which is the biggest thing? People, why do people go to Chick-fil-A? What do they want to hear? My pleasure, my pleasure. And they don't say that.
Speaker 1:I don't care about that. Do I want to hear about pleasure period? That's what it is. It is nobody's pleasure to be doing all this for 11 hours a day.
Speaker 2:But this is what they're known for. Well, this is what they're known for. So here's my thing. I don't care what you make it, that's what you're known for. You need to say it.
Speaker 1:You just do. You do also want to know. People mad at children don't learn cursive anymore, so I am. I feel like they should learn it. We're going to put a pen and that. Come back to it, though, because I do want to talk about why people are up in arms about that.
Speaker 2:You're not.
Speaker 1:No, okay, do you have a question for this week?
Speaker 2:Oh I don't have a question, but I do. There's so many things running through my head. I do have a little no fact. What is it that I was reading? Did you know? This is about pilots, airplane pilots. So I was watching something on YouTube and did you know? You know you have a pilot and a co-pilot. Did you know that if the pilot or the co-pilot has an issue with the other and they don't like each other and they flown together, if you don't get along with a particular person, you can request that you never fly with them? Ever. Because they say that, because flying is so stressful that you should not be put in a situation where you're having to maybe depend on someone who brings you Agita or that you don't like. Did you know?
Speaker 1:that. I appreciate that for the safety of my well-being.
Speaker 2:Me too. So if you were a pilot and I was a co-pilot and I did not like you, I could request never to fly with you ever, and they would make that happen. I love it, I said wow, but yeah, that was.
Speaker 2:I can't do that at all the job I'm notman Right, that's the same thing I said, and I was reading some of the comments. That was some of the things that they were saying too Too bad, you can't do that in real life, but I think that's brilliant, because why should you be stressed out?
Speaker 1:This is also a safety concern. I mean, like those are a lot of you know, lives in your hands when you're flying the aircraft, and I would like for the folks who are flying this aircraft to be able to depend on one another and respect one another and not be up there plus inviting when I'm up there Absolutely so.
Speaker 2:I'm all for it Absolutely, and we don't need a pilot like Denzel. I like to call him Denzel Washington, aka Denzel Washington.
Speaker 1:Well, that's his name.
Speaker 2:Denzel, yeah Denzel, people don't know, that, but it's Denzel, you know, on flight when he was drinking, and wasn't he doing co-pictures?
Speaker 1:That was a good movie so good.
Speaker 2:Speaking of Denzel, when we walked out of the color purple, remember what we saw. It was the banner for it.
Speaker 1:Oh, ok, I could talk about more better blues all the days of my life and, as you know, my last name is Gilliam and I was obsessed with that movie and Eric did not let me call a child bleak and I'm still in my feelings about it, but yes, that is one of my favorite movies. I will sing Harlem Blues all day, every day. I love that song. I love Cinda Williams Like I think she should be in all the movies Lisa Nicole Carson, ah, and so it was just, it was a good so good movie and I walked in and I saw that and when I walked out I was like I should see people.
Speaker 2:I think people tend to forget about that movie.
Speaker 1:It was Spikely is just a beast he is. My kid was Spikely for Black History Month. One time I'm going to have to send you the. I'm just to you which kid was? Oh yeah, the little one. He's not really little because he's tall, I mean, has a mustache but the youngest one, the 15 year old, when he was in fifth grade I wanted to. He was Spikely for and it was a year that's like one the Oscar too. So, oh, we were super excited about that.
Speaker 2:Like has some Some classics, man I mean school days. Mobile blues, malcolm X. I mean, do the right thing, do the right thing. She's got game Crooklyn Crooklyn. Um, um, you know, this could take a while. Oh my gosh, I love that.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:And I just love the theme song Jungle fever by Stevie Wonder.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh, my goodness, I'm going to start singing, but we have no rights to any music and no money.
Speaker 2:So you don't understand why we can't sing with it yet, and still you can put songs in your Instagram or Facebook. It's the same thing.
Speaker 1:It is not the same thing.
Speaker 2:Why can I sing it? I don't understand. Make it, make sense, people. I mean I'm desperatorical, just make it, make it. I'm trying to be monetized. We all like people's music, but anyway, yes, spike is, he's a beast.
Speaker 1:Here's my, my kid. Let's see Like Lee as Like his three month.
Speaker 2:Okay, that wasn't you. That's a reminder from our OBG For my peps, samir.
Speaker 1:I'm not doing that for you.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a new picture. To know that this young man Now has facial hair. He does. Where does the time go? Mustache and a goatee. I love this. I love the glasses in the hat. Wait a minute. Speaking of Malcolm Dexter King. Oh God, rest his soul. Yes, he passed away yesterday. Was it that's prostate cancer, and I'm not sure if it's because of the that's it.
Speaker 2:That's prostate cancer and his home, passing his home in LA To their family. Lord, have mercy, yeah, but this is such a cute, this is such a cute picture. I hate that For Dexter, I really do, but, um, yeah, I think it's just Just brought back so many memories, so many things, so many things, but yeah, so let's talk about more movies, since we're in the spirit of talking about movies.
Speaker 1:So I think we kind of touched on this the last time when I also sent you the link. It was about movies that that we loved. That may hit a little differently as a grown woman and one of those, like the the post that I saw Was about love Jones and the person it was. I saw that you know he got her smoking cigarette. But when you think about those kind of movies love Jones I know I mentioned a few before Love and basketball, baby boy Fools rushing in and, like I said, we're going to ask y'all to share some of y'alls too. But Some of those things that seemed like Great love story, so romantic, so like you'd look back at those and be like those relationships were foolish and a big toxic. And you know I don't view it the same way Now, knowing what a healthy relationship is. And so let's start with love Jones. I'm making the most of it, Love Jones. And so let's start with love Jones.
Speaker 2:I'm making the presumption you have seen, love Jones.
Speaker 1:Excuse me In the movie, kind of Thank you. I don't. I don't like to assume. So I have seen love Jones, I own it. I do too. So tell me, tell me Initially the first time. How, how did you remember that? I remember that, I remember that.
Speaker 2:So that was our senior year, so I had to be around what? 17, 18. So, 18, when I saw the movie, do you remember your first impressions? Loved it. I mean, he got me at Poetry when he was, you know, doing his Poetry slash rap. Can you along shout out to the rent state what is the reason why? The reason why he's a good agent, like fine wine, he says his genes and his, his vegan lifestyle.
Speaker 1:I don't know, but the man doesn't look a day over 35. I had no idea how old he is.
Speaker 2:I just know he has been doing this long enough for that. He's got to be at least a certain age. That's all. He's definitely. He's definitely in his fifties.
Speaker 1:That I do know. Hold on. Let me just Google it really quickly For a minute yeah. No, he's not I didn't realize he was this old, because Is he really? Well, he's not 50. He has 48. That is three years older than I am at this moment, yes, but still a look at the 30. But we're also. I realize this every time. I say something like that to Eric, who is older than I he is 52.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the math.
Speaker 1:And so I know he's 51, my bad he's 51. And I'll be like so-and-so is this age and they seem old and I'm like, but they're like a year older than me. So I well, I am very glad to have lived to see 45. That's what many people don't get to Exactly I am also. I don't realize that I am now an older person, like. I'm always floored by the fact that people who I think of as older not even old, but just older are my age. We're very close in age it's, and I'm always shocked You're middle age.
Speaker 2:You're not old, I'm not, I'm middle age. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Yes, you're 45. That is middle age.
Speaker 1:Well, I knew the AARP to go ahead and start sending me my discounts, because I'm ready.
Speaker 2:Hmm, well, you can keep that over there, if I'm a, b, middle aged.
Speaker 1:can I get a discount with it? You want I do. You are B. My mother-in-law at Thanksgiving was sharing her magazines with me and she did say you can sign up earlier. But I will say this as you approach 50, and Eric will tell you this I don't think he was pleased. They do start sending you stuff so you can sign up.
Speaker 2:They actually have-. I think they sent me some a few years ago I mean something on AARP and I was just like hmm.
Speaker 1:I was like, first of all, how y'all know how old I am. I don't know y'all like that. I think it's that the big brothers always watching.
Speaker 2:I know no big brothers always watching Buying lists, Exactly, and they're alone. 53. I mean, the girl looks not a date again Over. I'm going to say 40. She does look good. I mean she looks amazing, but the movie I loved it. One of my favorite lines. You know I always have favorite lines. What is your favorite line? Do you have an iconic line from this movie? It has to be only one and I'm going to see if you're going to hit the nail on the head.
Speaker 1:No, I don't think mine is going to be what yours is, because mine is not a. It is not nice, but it is.
Speaker 2:Mine is gas up the pacer. Gas up the pacer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's not what I was going to call it. The favorite is when Savian says let me break it down, I can be forever and consistently broke, but the one that I was laughing at. That always makes me laugh. The thing I think about immediately is Bill Bellamy telling her to walk and he tell him Dan, I ain't walking around, like it's not stopping around. It's somebody stole her bike. Most of mine are not nice, but the best one is Savia saying let me break it down for you so it can forever and consistently be broke.
Speaker 2:And then the iconic poem that he would, he, say let me be your, something in your thought and used to know it like that's the back of my hand, just something I got to rewatch because I actually haven't seen love Jones in a while. I have to rewatch that.
Speaker 1:but okay, so we should have rewatched them before we talked about them.
Speaker 2:But wasn't Lisa Nicole Carson? And this one as well?
Speaker 1:She was her friend that helped her move and she was her friend that they would have those back to have conversations.
Speaker 1:Yes, before Texas can't and conditions became a thing they were doing it, yeah, but okay. So I love Lisa Nicole Carson. I just I was like I would have been like her when I grow up, when I was little, I thought she was so pretty. She was, she was. I love devil in a blue dress and that's how I came to her and I thought she was sexy and sassy and I just she was great yeah.
Speaker 2:Yes, but the okay. So I'm you know. The Instagram post said love Jones is not a romantic movie. This man got her smoking cigarettes. Someone else said that she was, that he was a stalker. Do you concur?
Speaker 1:I do very much concur. He stole first of all. His friends should have been fired. She was should have been fired. He got her information from a check. She wrote we're making a purchase at a place where his framework, so both of them were dead and wrong. He showed up where she was staying, which actually wasn't even really her house. She was like sub leasing or something and he was like I got your address from the record store. What the heck? That is like I would have called the police. We're not having a great romance.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying me. I'm saying some people may say would have said they probably would not now, even though some people may say that is persistence and taking the bull by the horns.
Speaker 1:You could say that if he had it. No, you can't say that I tried to make it because, mainly in this situation, she had already asked her for contact information and she had said no, He'd asked her. Basically he tried to get the day they met. Then when they they ran into each other at the record store. Now I can say this Now, when he asked Sheila if he could get the information from her check, she was like why would I do that? So he may have overstepped and gotten it without her being complacent in that. But after I have already said I am not interested in getting to know you, I am not interested in a relationship. You have asked me several times. I had said no. And then the next thing, I know you show up at my house. First of all, I don't like people who I know showing up at my house uninvited and unannounced.
Speaker 2:So would she have been well within her right to get a restraining order on this man? Yes, okay, but that's if she didn't like a but, does it still hold merit since they got together? That's the question.
Speaker 1:He was the question, regardless of what happened after. She did not. It's a movie, so all the terrible stuff that could happen to women if that you know, if that were their situation doesn't happen, but I think it still holds merit, no matter what. Because we have, you can get together with somebody and still end up in a bad relationship. True, that puts you in physical, mental, emotional harm, and just because you chose to be in that relationship it doesn't negate those you know actions.
Speaker 2:I would agree, but sometimes I think a lot of. I'm not gonna say a lot, but I think there are. I was gonna say a lot because there's billions of people in the world. I think a lot of people have ended up in good situations because a person maybe not to this extreme was persistent. Now, maybe that was, that was.
Speaker 2:So I'm making a face because y'all can't see me, I know you are, but I'm just saying, like what if he did not do that, they never ended up together? Well, obviously, if they never did together, it just never would have been a movie. But I'm just saying, looking back on it, if they have a prosperous, lovely life and go on to get married and have children, they didn't have a prosperous, lovely life throughout the movie, like we know.
Speaker 1:You always saw them at the end. If you haven't seen it, spoiler alert we saw them at the end, kissing in the rain and kind of make it up.
Speaker 2:That's not even say spoiler alert. This is over 26 years old. It needs to be a spoiler alert.
Speaker 1:I've never seen it that was more alert. Maybe we have some younger viewers who are like, what is this Show, show, show, show, show show. See it. So listeners, rather. But I do think I don't know that this, no, it's not okay. I keep trying to find a way to make it Okay. I don't think it. I don't now I don't think it's okay, but, like the whole point of this conversation is before, when I first said I was like you, I'm like, oh, he was persistent, he really wanted to get to know her. He, you know, he had a love at first sight thing. This is great. This is if you want something, go after it.
Speaker 2:So should we not? That's the question.
Speaker 1:I think you need to be mindful. You don't need to be committing crimes and stealing people's information, and if somebody tells you no, once, that no is enough. She had told him no, I'm not interested multiple times and his answer to that was to steal her information and show up at her door that was noted that she found creepy.
Speaker 2:It was so wrong on so many levels. However, the devil's advocate part of me wants to say no, no.
Speaker 1:It, it, it. What are you advocating for? Stop?
Speaker 2:No, I'm not. I am totally not, because I would definitely be crooked out about this, but I just. I don't know.
Speaker 1:It was creepy. Like the romance part of it I do Like the real, really like. Oh, I found this lady that I think I like and now I'm going to hear is the weird part Make her like me, even though she done told me a couple times she interested.
Speaker 2:This. This is so true. It's giving control, vibes is giving, creepy is giving.
Speaker 1:Ah God, I don't play something for me or make me breakfast like come on, not even if you put the needle on the track.
Speaker 2:Mm, hmm, mm, hmm, not even like.
Speaker 1:I'm looking at this, I'm like what you walking around my house for, like what's your location for I don't know you like that, like all of it, like when they got into an actual relationship outside of the smoking this person on the internet pointed out, I thought their relationship was OK, but even then there was dishonesty in their relationship and there was this imbalance in their relationship about what each of them wanted, and so they were never in alignment. They were never on the same page about what this was.
Speaker 2:And do you think maybe they were not on the same page? Because in the back of her mind I know I'm going to she was thinking how much of a creep that's he could be. I was for doing this and she just couldn't give it her old college go. Well, I think part of it.
Speaker 1:I mean I'm assuming that she could be like never know what he going to do. But at the same time I think part of it was she had just gotten out of a long term relationship that had gone sour in a way she hadn't expected and kind of blown up her life. She had been determined that they were just kicking it and I don't know how much.
Speaker 2:I wanted to like him. You don't know how bad I just wanted to sing, just kicking it by a skate. Anyway, I do, I do. You're right, yo, you're right, you're right. You know what I think it is. I also think it's the day in time, even though it may not have, is still to be creepy. Back in the nineties, I don't think people were. I think I still think people were a little crazy and creepy, but not like they are today.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. I think that here is one of the things and people say stuff like that that I think people crazy today. People, I think people have always been this crazy. They just have additional avenues. Now, like you can cyber stock people, you don't just have to be in the bushes, there's revenge porn now. Like you don't have to like out people to their print out pictures and then do the mail like there. You know, people have done everything, from emailing folks jobs about them to like people who just have more they have more avenues to go to the post office now to harass somebody.
Speaker 1:Basically, you're right.
Speaker 2:You're right because, ok, so you have social media now where they're cyber bullying you, but when we were in school, you know we didn't have cyber bullying. We still had picking. We called it picking, you know, at people. But we still had it, but just not in that form.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you just have different avenues. Like you have the whole World Wide Web, you can send stuff to people's houses through. You know you can steal Like you. Just you can literally I say map quest, but you can literally just go online and find your way to somebody's house. You don't even have to know where they live. Now, please, I mean thanks, you, thanks.
Speaker 1:Google white pages dot com and get addresses and phone numbers and exactly relatives and names or anybody who's. You can get a whole list of people who's ever lived at that address.
Speaker 2:This is so true. Yeah, you're right, I would have to. I would have to agree with you on that. I would. I would definitely have to agree with you on that. Let's talk about the second movie, because this is I own this one too One of my faves, love and basketball.
Speaker 1:So I think when people talk about viewing this different, they're thinking about Two things in particular. Tell me, I think, when Q decides that he going to go off with somebody else because Monica didn't stay with him when she had curfew that night, when he wanted to talk about his dad, when he found out that his dad had, you know, a baby with somebody else, and I think they're talking about when he decides to call off his wedding, like the night before, yeah. So I think people are looking at those, are thinking about those two scenes and those two situations when they say he was being selfish.
Speaker 2:He was being selfish in that moment.
Speaker 1:He did not like when they were in college and he was like I'm just take what you call it to eat at Burger King. I give him half the benefit of the doubt because he was of an age and in a life situation where he probably did not know how to communicate what he was thinking and feeling very well, and so he was acting out that aka selfish. I think so, but I do think it's a little bit different at that age, when your brain is not fully formed yet and he, I mean he's in college but still a child, let's be honest.
Speaker 2:And this is having a young adult temper tantrum.
Speaker 1:His family life was blowing up, so I think I give him some grace there. His decision making Things he decided to do to handle it, I do agree with you was tantrum style versus like I'm a be by myself and figure out what's going on. He, she, hurt his feelings, so his, his thought was now after her feelings, yeah, I agree, but that's what I was going to say.
Speaker 2:Sometimes people do things to you or get back and they wait for that right time to stick the ninth in and twist it like on face off. That's what I think, and I think that's what he did.
Speaker 1:He had never really been supportive of her period. He expected her to always be his number one fan. I do not think, even when they were in high school, that he gave her that, because even when he came to her games in high school, when they were just friends, he came more as Mr Popular because he knew people would be all in his face.
Speaker 2:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 1:This is true.
Speaker 2:That was such a good movie and I just love the ending with the John L Johnson. I love it. But you know what? What these movies have in common is pay, get together.
Speaker 1:They do get together. I think love and basketball I they work through some adult stuff, though I think I could I see this one a little bit different. My favorite line from that are they cussing. Their mom was in Spain. I love it when I was with us. She's such a good actress. She is. I love her, but I wait a minute.
Speaker 2:Wait a minute, hold on. Did you? Do you realize that a lot of these you know black actors? You know we re-rotate them in different movies, but she was the mother on something new. Yes, she was, I really enjoyed that movie.
Speaker 1:What did you think about that one? That was not on our list, but what do you think about that one? Oh, love that movie.
Speaker 2:I mean, I just loved everything about it. I hated that her mom she was the same way in love and basketball was trying to push her on Blair Underwood because of his status. Um, you know, the Caucasian gentleman was blue collar and Blair Underwood was he technically blue collar because it was his business?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I mean, blue collar is he did do some laboring.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he was a landscaper, right.
Speaker 1:Well, a landscape architect, but yes, architect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean still doing things with his hands. Yes, it was his, it was his business, but I don't think the mother liked that about that, that she could do better than that, and so of course she wanted the status and wanted that. He was the attorney, and you know, I think in in something new.
Speaker 1:I felt like her. The mom's character was definitely a quote, unquote, not our kind type person, and so she wanted her with somebody who was in their circle and I think in love and basketball she was just more and my quote fingers are up traditional and she was like there is a certain way to do things. There is some decorum you should have, and so she was like. She was clear. Then she was like when I said he can do better, I was talking about you, but you can't just go throwing yourself at. You know men who are engaged, so you have to go about it the right way, kind of thing.
Speaker 2:Correct and see, even in love and basketball. You know he had his issues. You know, like you said, with his father. You know cheating on his mother, who I love, his mother, that's her name, debbie Morgan. Yes, debbie Morgan. And she had her struggle with her mother. Her mother wanted her to be girly, like her sister, who was Regina King.
Speaker 1:Nope, who was Regina Hall? Regina Regina King.
Speaker 2:Regina Hall, look, said it bold and was wrong, did you? Regina Hall is who I meant, is who I meant? Um, and because her mother couldn't understand, like, why are you playing this basketball game? You should be in the kitchen, you should be, more you know, like me. And she didn't. She didn't want to do that, so she was going through her own thing with her mother, but I just, I don't know, I don't know. That's one of my faves too. That's one of my faves Now, this one that we're getting ready to talk about is. I could quote probably Most of them.
Speaker 1:So take it out. What are we talking about? He sang it.
Speaker 2:God, baby boy, who again? We have to Raji P Henson and we have Tariq. Yeah, such that was such a Passive aggression. He was so he was just a horrible terrible, no good, very bad person. Yes, it was. I mean would take her car and just was. Was was cheating on her with someone she worked with. I mean it was just as usher said no ain't no good is all bad, just he's a little bit raggedy.
Speaker 1:Yes, he was. What was your favorite line in that one? So I will say this I do not have a favorite line of baby boy, because I have not. What this is not. Don't judge me, this is not one of my favorite movies.
Speaker 2:Mmm. Unstable, unstable creatures.
Speaker 1:I am not. Yeah, omar. Um, like I said, I enjoyed it. I've I've only seen it. I probably only seen it all the way through twice, which is saying not a lot.
Speaker 2:It was so it was so dysfunctional, it just Mmm it was. It was very disfigured. I mean it was so much wrong with him, I mean in that movie that he did just, oh my god had, you know, was had a baby by her. Someone else would take her car, go see someone else. Just, oh god, just. I actually like the movie, though Um fools rush in. This is one of the ones that we talked about. Never seen the movie that is on my list to watch, but how do you view this movie differently now than when you originally watched it?
Speaker 1:And I think I shared a little bit about this one where they have a one night stand. She comes up pregnant and comes to find him and tells them and they decide that what they should do is get married and that is not a good idea for a multitude of reasons. But also there are some significant cultural differences. He is like a wasp from New York and she is Mexican Mexican descent, like they live right over the board, kind of saying, and she goes to visit her family makes go a lot and it's a very traditional Mexican family and it's they have had no discussions that they literally get married without originally knowing each other's last names and they but isn't that what usually one night stands are?
Speaker 2:Do you really know the person's name?
Speaker 1:Yes, but you don't usually marry that person True to show. That's the whole point of the one night stand. You don't see them anymore. You sometimes don't even know their first name, and I say this with full confidence as a person who has never actually had one night stand. So I assume this is how it works.
Speaker 2:I assume too.
Speaker 1:But yes, I feel like you should never like marry a person whose last name you don't know.
Speaker 1:But I also don't think you should get married simply because you are pregnant either, and that's I'm sure there are some people throwing darts at me right now. They probably are. But so I, while it seems like, like I said, it was the first time I watched it. It seemed wonderfully romantic and, oh my gosh, I got to make the life together and they're going to be happy and they end up back together at the end. But again, like all these people because it's not really good if they don't end up back together at the end they go through a lot of stuff they would not have had to go through if they'd taken some time to get to know each other, even if they had taken some time to get to know each other while they were co parenting. So I think they it is. It is foolish to assume that you can just jump into a marriage and it's easy to get out of, because you have decided that you don't want your child to be born out of wedlock.
Speaker 2:So I really have got to see that one. That's. That's very interesting. You have still thinking on the color purple because that whole thing. It's funny how, even back in the day, where you would have someone that's older, underage, because she was, I mean, you know, I mean I guess she was what, she was still in school and you're marrying this big, grown, rusty man.
Speaker 1:But that's how it worked back then for a lot of I know.
Speaker 2:I know that's what I'm saying it's it's. It's funny to see how things work back then and to see how things have really, really changed now.
Speaker 1:So that brings me to another thought of something Eric and I had a conversation about. Okay, maybe just yesterday oh, tell me how I like to pivot. So, yeah, we were, I was online and I was looking at I prepared online often and so I was looking for something that we might talk about and I came across and this is how it started a video of a woman proposing. So this conversation we had took a lot of turns. One it was about and let me finish this list women proposing, and there were a lot of people in the comments saying one women should never propose, men should propose. And then it turned into a conversation around asking of permission, which is how what you said got me to this point, because I was thinking people used to marry that young and they would make you know there were dowries and people would give their kids away, basically to have one less mouth to feed. So they would, you know, marry this young girl off.
Speaker 2:So, like you mean at, you mean let me, let me, let me make sure I'm hearing you clearly. You mean the man asking her father.
Speaker 1:No, sometimes these things would be arranged like with example, he, like you know, he needed somebody to take care of them, ready to kids and clean his house. So it wasn't I'm a hire made is I'm a good wife because that's cheap. And her father was like well, okay, if you give me this money quote, unquote, dowry you can don't take off. And so it got to the point and, like I said, there is a lot of time back here about asking the parents permission or blessing for the woman's hand in marriage. So it's kind of a two parter. How do you feel about people asking the parents for either permission or slash a blessing prior to proposing, and how do you feel about women proposing?
Speaker 2:Okay, so we're going to start with the latter, because Anita and I another person from the group chat just had this conversation a couple of weeks ago, okay, and I asked her what she thought about it, and so she was like I don't think she'd care about me saying this because it's not really anything, but she's like she doesn't have to do that, that she feels like she's a big, grown age, of whatever age she is. Maybe she doesn't want people to know her age, but you know, and she feels like you know, there are two grown people that her fiance wouldn't have to do that. And, matter of fact, I want to say, but I want to say for sure, but I think she said she didn't want him to do that, or he didn't have to do that For me. I don't care, I, you know, I'm a traditional girl, so I'd steal what like, if I were, you know, to get married. I would like that.
Speaker 2:As far as a woman proposing it, just some things just need to not change and I think that's one of them. Let the man be the main. I feel like he is the hunter he should propose.
Speaker 1:So what you are saying to me, this is how I hear that, and okay, let me preface this by saying I was proposed to so but I feel like what is happening now is that men are not being, they're not practicing any integrity around that, and so they have women out here who believe that, who feel that, who think that and want that for their lives, but they're out here together five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 15 years, wanting to be married, living in a way that they're supposed to act like a wife to this man who hasn't proposed, and they can't do it because his ego is so fragile. He feels like that's emasculating him if they propose. So she's just sitting around waiting on what she wants the next step of her life to be, when they've had multiple discussions about it, but she can't move forward, and so then she ends up 35, 40, 45, 50 in a situation she don't want to be in. He's giving you, your answer.
Speaker 1:But that's the thing that's. I believe that I agree with you, but when her mindset is that I got to wait on him to propose because even she go to the next guy, she don't want to emasculate him by asking, like why are these men getting to determine what your life is like? If you want to marry somebody, why can you not ask them? I don't understand that. I think all of that goes hand in hand with the ownership of somebody asking somebody's permission to ask you to marry them, like the only decision she has in this is she can marry him or not marry him and she can leave if he don't marry. But if she wants to marry this person, she's not allowed to ask him.
Speaker 2:What if he don't? Obviously you don't want to marry her. I mean, that's obvious, because if he wanted to marry her, he would have proposed to her. And here's in, here's my big thing of that you got, and I'm going to tell you what, what, what men like to do, you propose. He says, yes, probably didn't really want to do it, but I'll do it. You know. First argument well, I didn't want to marry you anyway. You're the one who proposed to me. I'm telling you they're going to say that I'm telling you. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm going to be a whole bit no, just that, it's a no for me, it's an absolute no for me. You're going to have to man up at some point.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry. I do believe this is one of the things that should change.
Speaker 2:I don't believe it will, so you, would you propose if you were not married and you wanted to get married and he was moved slow with. You know about proposing, and because I'm a whole big proponent is people do what they want to do. People do what things that are important to them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, people do that Make time for things that are important to them. I will say this I, in the very first conversation I had with my husband, I was like I am a person who wants to be married, I am a person who wants to be somebody's mother. Are those things that you want? Because I don't have that kind of time and I was 22. It was like like we're not just going to be sitting around here. We did, we did well, things up, shack up, but we did that for like a year and a half. We were engaged before the end of the first year. We knew each other. So I don't know. I've never been in that situation to be able to say what I propose, but I can't confidently be like no, I wouldn't or yes, I would. I think you have a part.
Speaker 2:You don't, you can't, you. You've never been in that situation. But you know whether or not you would do it, mine is an absolute no, wouldn't do it. Period, point blank.
Speaker 1:I would not do it for me. I'd have to be, I'd have to be in the situation and be at a point where that was a decision I had to make, like I had to decide whether or not I wanted to propose, or just you know. Okay, so what?
Speaker 2:then what? What in your mind when I say you, you understood who's dead in Spanish? Um, well, what? What in your mind? How are you playing this situation in your mind as to why he has not asked you to marry him? And it could be where you know he doesn't have the money. Let's be clear no one is ever going to have the right amount of money that they feel like they should when it's time to get married, Just like oh, I'm going to wait for the perfect time to have children. No one ever has children where they think they should. I should have a little bit more money. No one. That never happens. So stop saying that, people.
Speaker 1:It never happens Unless you just Anything it can be. You know past experiences that he had. It can be like he too could be scared of rejection. Like you said, he might think that you know, I don't have enough money to get her this ring, so I got to wait. Like it can be a number of things.
Speaker 1:I do think what is important here is that if you are planning to propose to somebody, no matter your identified gender, if you are planning to propose to somebody, y'all need to be on the same page, that y'all actually want to marry, and not just marry, but marry one another. I agree Because I think, like you said, to the point where a lot of women do propose, they don't seem to know their partner well enough when they propose to these men, they don't seem to know them well enough to know that this is going to make them terribly uncomfortable or make them feel emasculated. Like you've got to know who you're proposing to, no matter who you are. Like you have to know that maybe this is not a public spectacle, I don't know. Yeah, sorry y'all, I don't. I think there's a very private moment?
Speaker 1:I don't I think you should know that. You know they want this kind of. They don't want a big elaborate thing, even if it is private. They want something at the house, just y'all, something that's meaningful. Going back to a you know first date restaurant or something that's you know, and then doing it when you get home, like making a thing. It needs to be about the two of you and not production, like I don't need you to have a production about you know budget for your proposal. That's ridiculous in my opinion. Some people love that, so Eric Gilliam did not propose to me with a whole lot of hoopla because that ain't me.
Speaker 2:You have to know who you're dating. Yes, also, too, I think that's important for you do, because also, like you were saying, being a masculine now, when you do a whole public spectacle and pomp and circumstance, now, if she's going to propose, is he just saying yes so he won't embarrass you? I mean, all this you have to look at. I mean, maybe he's saying yes because he wants to, oh no, but I know a lot of times when people put on the spot, a lot of times some people just say no, I don't want to do it. But a lot of times when people put on the spot so they won't look like the bad person or embarrass the other person, they'll just say what they think people want to hear.
Speaker 2:But I do agree with you when you say you should know your partner, and that goes back to having these conversations. I think a lot of times, because there was something and I think I sent you yesterday on Instagram little Duvall had posted it. Can I send you that on Instagram? And these ladies were talking about if you haven't been married over the age of 40, how hard it is.
Speaker 1:No, I'm going to have to go back and see that so we can talk about that. Look at that really, really quickly.
Speaker 2:I sent it to you.
Speaker 1:Oh, I did see the beginning of this. Why is 40 the magic number, though?
Speaker 2:Well, I remember, I remember being at my job and my friend, co-worker, tommy, said, and I never will forget he said if a woman is not married over the age of 35, something is wrong with her. And I remember getting into a whole big thing with him about that. But that why is 40? I don't know, because I guess people assume by the age of 40 that they think something is wrong with you, or maybe she just Maybe she didn't want to marry one of the most raggedy people she knew.
Speaker 2:Maybe she didn't want to get married, maybe she was focused on her career, who knows what the situation may have been. But I wanted you to see that because it goes along with what I'm about to say. I think people tend to not want to have these hard conversations, especially if they want to get married, because not everybody wants to get married. This is specifically for people who want to get married and I feel like maybe if you're of a certain age 40 or up you don't want to rock the boat. So, oh my God, I don't want to say this. What if I ask him this and he runs off? That means that person wasn't for you.
Speaker 2:You should be able to. If this is the person you feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with, you should be comfortable in having those conversations. Hey, do you want children? Hey, do you want a big wedding? Hey, do you even want to get married? Because if you don't want to have children, if you really, really, really want to have children, and you're dating someone who doesn't want to have children, you're wasting time. Now maybe that person, he or she, they change their mind, but you're just wasting time dating someone and you realize, oh, this person really doesn't want to have children. You have to, no matter what the answer may be, no matter whether he may run or he may run. You have to have those hard conversations in the beginning, because how else would you know?
Speaker 2:I agree with you, I think you also have to know yourselves.
Speaker 1:You do. I think you definitely have to know yourselves. I want to talk more about this. We got to get wrapped up as what Nate was just about to say who?
Speaker 2:are we shouting out today?
Speaker 1:Well, I guess it kind of goes along with. You got to get to know yourself. Today we are shouting out a counselor, melody Morel, and again it's Melody Morel from Happy Balanced U Counseling and Consulting. She is certified and verified by Psychology Today, located in Columbia, South Carolina area.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Melody Morel, and that's happybalanceducom, Counseling and consulting. Again, we like to be fully transparent. This is my little cousin and she is doing it big in this space helping you become a happier, balanced you. So please do check her out, happybalanceducom, and we'll add this to the show notes Melody Morel check her out, all right.
Speaker 2:Well, please again, let's say it one more time Melody Morel check her out at happybalanceducom Counseling and consulting.
Speaker 1:One thing I want to add before we go. We have we talked to, we thanked our listeners and our social media followers. We want to do that again, but we also want to point out we now have a UK listener too. So, yay, we're expanding our global reach. Yeah, shout out.
Speaker 2:That is amazing. That is because last week wasn't it a?
Speaker 1:German listener. Yeah, so now we have folks in multiple countries. Look at us.
Speaker 2:All right, all right, that is so. That's exciting news. Well, guys, as always, we have thoroughly enjoyed it. I love this. I think we should continue this about the movies and because I just think that you can so many things that you can pivot in, but we should talk about songs next time, songs that we looked at differently now as being adults.
Speaker 1:Oh, now, that's going to be a good one. That's going to be a good one.
Speaker 2:So what do we always say? I guess we'll see you, liz, see you in the group chat. No-transcript.
